I've sat on my bed for hours now just scrolling through my tumblr, letting things trigger me. The amount of work I have to get done by tomorrow is terrifying but I can't focus. Maybe it's the food inside of me, not feeling empty slowly kills me and I hate myself and I can't be productive. All I can be is fat, sat on my bed hating my miserable existence.

I want to go to bed and not deal with tomorrow. I want to stay in bed all day and imagine far away places and fragility. A tiny body helpless and breaking. I want fragility, fragility is my everything. All I desire.

I hate group work because it means I have to interact with someone. It means that I can't keep quiet to myself, hiding. It means I have to get the work done because someone is counting on me. It means that I have to go out there and be acknowledged as real. I hate having to do that. All I want to do is hide. I want to hide.

And as my sister's life begins to flow in the right direction, I'm on the fast track towards rock bottom.