It's past 10pm now and I still haven't done anything.I feel like I physically can't any more. I feel like all I want to do is disappear. If I can't be beautiful, I want to be invisible. I hate that I ate today, I hate that I allowed myself to not be fragile. All I want is for everyone to see just how little I am. But they won't because I'm not, because I'm little only on the inside, where every part of my body is falling apart and I'm in pain and I'm cold and lonely and scared. I wish I could speak to my sister, but she would never understand. She's 800 miles away and she doesn't see what's happening to me. She doesn't see me shrinking, she doesn't see me breaking. But the truth is, even if she was right near me, holding my hand, feeling my breath, she still wouldn't. People think I'm strong and always in control. Truth is I've lost control over everything but my eating. And I don't even care.