I'm out of cigarettes, I do not know how I'm going to survive this night. 5 hours of studying with no break,no nicotine. And then two more hours of class.

I feel like I'm falling apart. Just like those lyrics say, and even though nobody's watching, she's falling apart. I don't know how much longer I can go on. The stress here at this school, with this language, it's unbearable. And I'm not coping. I'm really not. I spoke to a friend today about this, she went to Cambridge and dropped out after a year because she couldn't do it, she started developing an eating disorder. The first thing she asked when I told her how stressed I am is 'are you eating alright?' I lied. I said I am. But there's nothing alright about this. Going days without anything but nicotine and caffeine, then eating some crap and trying to get it out.

I'm frustrated at my sister because she doesn't understand, but how could she? It's not like she knows anything. A part of me is angry at her for not knowing the truth about me, but I realize that this anger is really directed at myself. How can I expect people to worry when I make it so easy to not? I feel like everything about me has become fake.