I really wish I had someone in my life who I could talk to. Here sat right next to me, or just a phone call or email away, who would understand my lifestyle, who would agree with it. I’m so sick of being taboo, of hiding and suppressing what I believe in most. Someone who isn’t eating either, and can understand my struggle and congratulate me for it, instead of feeling concern or whatever other horrible feeling. I’m so sick of them wanting to control me. Just because you’re too weak to not eat, just because you can't resist that disgusting cookie, don’t impose your weaknesses on me. I don’t care for that cookie and I never will, it makes me sick, and why do you want to make me sick?

How dare you tell me to eat? You’re not the fat one with the fat thighs and huge stomach. You’re the skinny girl that won’t gain weight regardless of what you stuff yourself with. So if you wish to live that life of eating and constant overeating, go ahead, I wont stand in your way, because that’s what best friends do, they help each other live. Yet you call me and tell me you think I’m not eating, and remind me of all the food I’ll have to be eating with you on your birthday. Are you really that pathetic that food is what your world revolves around? Is that really what you find gratification in? That sickens me.

I don’t need food, nor do I want it. I only want those who will understand, who will love me.

S told me to stay skinny, I liked that. Did he know the price I’m achieving this at? He couldn’t have, of course not, but he appreciated the end result, and he told me it is worth it. Stop reminding me of food and how it’s all you care about W, because honestly, those words are slowly making me hating you. And honestly, I’m not sure who I’d chose if it came down to it anymore, our 8 year old friendship or my hunger. At least the hunger understands.