I am so fucking tired of not eating, and restricting, and the scales always disappointing me. The past few days I have been a ridiculous failure, I've embraced food and ignored the scales. I may continue doing just that at least until the 9th, that's when I leave my grandmothers. 3 more days of living life like a normal person, and feeling like a big fat whale that deserves nothing more than death. I've tried going back to not eating but every day I fail. I don't even try anymore, I just get up and say yes to breakfast, and then to lunch and dinner. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I hate this. To me, getting better actually means getting worse.